To Err is Humorous (2022 Edition)

I’ve finally finished all the grading for my Spring semester classes, so it seems fitting to celebrate by cracking open a bottle of Irn-Bru and posting a new collection of amusing typos drawn from various student assignments over the last five years. (For previous editions, see here and here.)

Once again, it’s only fair to repeat the qualification I included with the earlier postings:

I should emphasize that most of these are innocent mistakes and no reflection on the abilities of the students who wrote them. Some of them appeared in otherwise excellent papers. They’re the sort of errors any of us could make, and many of us have made, especially when under the pressure of a deadline or ambushed by the AutoCorrect feature of our word processors. So enjoy them, but don’t forget that these are human errors — and we’re all human.

In case anyone has doubts, let me assure you that all the following are 100% genuine. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

From exams and discussion forums:

“The ultimate question of human existence becomes, ‘Why not commit seaside?’” (Reminds me of that bumper sticker: “Life’s a beach…”)

Our work should be “directed toward God’s gory.”

“Apologetics is the resented defense of the Christian faith.” (Not entirely wrong!)

The ontological argument “may have some value when comparing different religions in a sort of a Mount Caramel contest.” (To be fair, the mangled American pronunciation of ‘caramel’ meant this was an accident waiting to happen.)

On Molinism: “This system, originating from Alfred Molina…” (Perhaps he was thinking of William ‘Doc’ Ockham?)

On Molinism again: “God is the best possible chess player imaginable, but even he still has to play with the cards he is dealt.” (Playing chess with cards? Now that’s impressive!)

On Karl Barth’s criticism of liberalism: “One cannot speak about God simply by speaking about Ma in a loud voice.” (A Freudian twist on feminist theology?)

From papers:

On Romans 14: “Here we need to apply the ‘weaker bother’ principle…” (Well, sorta…)

Christian apologist and philosopher “Dr. Normal Geisler”

“Mark and Luke were written for a gentle audience.”

“Natural theology depends on general reverberation.” (Perhaps thinking of Psalm 19:4?)

One cause of infertility is “reduced number of perm.”

Quoting the Westminster Shorter Catechism: “There are three persons in the Godhead; the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost; and these three are on God.”

“The Creator exits from himself, by himself, and for himself.”

“The Word became flash…” (Flash! A-ah!)

“…followed by a brie evaluation.” (At a cheese tasting club perhaps?)

“Brain Davies is helpful in understanding Aquinas here.” (Well, they don’t call him ‘Brain’ for nothing!)

“At the end, the Lord returns to the world for New Haven and New Earth.” (Jonathan Edwards will be pleased!)

On Christian epistemology: “There are no brutal facts.”

“The gospel of Christ was scandalous for both geeks and Jews.”

“The Christian’s ambassadorial work has scatological implications…”

Finally, the winner of the grand prize:

“I can’t be judge Judy and executioner.”